Social Media Means
Social Media Means
Photo: Monstera
"This is a way for the ghost to encourage that interest with almost no effort." "It's a low commitment way for the ghost or ex-partner to stay connected and play a passive role in their exes' lives," says Pavitt. She says that it can give the ghost "an ego boost if it prompts the person they ghosted to contact them."
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Read More »Lying on my bed and staring at Instagram on my iPhone on a pretty average Sunday afternoon, I suddenly became aware I was being watched. And it wasn't the first time. Lurking in the list of people who've viewed my Instagram Story is a familiar face that appears on that list so frequently I've come to expect its presence. That face belongs to an ex who once ghosted me, who now can't seem to tear himself away from every single Story I post.
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Read More »Senior account executive Ena Cosic also finds the practice confusing because she isn't sure of lurking equates to romantic emotions. While she says she only looks at exes' and former ghostees' Instagram Stories if she has "zero interest in them," she feels differently when she sees her exes viewing her Story. "If it’s someone I really like or used to like, I will think twice about stalking them on Insta," says Cosic. Funnily enough, when she sees exes' faces appearing in the list of people viewing her Story, she feels a little differently. "If I am honest, it kind of makes me laugh seeing my ex watching my story cause I know he’s still curious what I am up to," says Cosic. "But, it also confuses me as he deleted me on any other platform and I do question if he’s over me or not." "It’s out of general curiosity to see how they’re getting on, what they’re doing, and how missed I truly am." We asked a serial lurker about the motivations and emotions behind this kind of behaviour. Creative strategist Fabian Castellani openly admits to lurking on the Instagram Stories of his former flames. "Most of the time I end up on stories from either my exes, their mates or people I’ve dated, by accident. You begin with the intention of watching a couple of people’s stories and the next thing you’re 20 stories deep and their face pops up." But, it's not always accidental, he admits. "Other times it’s out of general curiosity to see how they’re getting on, what they’re doing, and how missed I truly am." In Castellani's case, his Story lurking sometimes comes hand in hand with some feelings. "I’d say sometimes there are feelings there. Usually you don’t realise until you see their face and your heart drops into your stomach. Not ideal," he says. "Then you get it the other way around where you think there’s still something there, you go on their story and then feel nothing."
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Read More »Martin Lucas, a human behaviour expert at MasterMindset, says that if the person who broke things off is the one lurking on Instagram, then they're likely doing it to "validate the choice" they made. That ex, in Lucas' opinion, is "looking for confirmation" that breaking up was "the right thing," and they could even be wondering if their absence is being felt acutely. But, if that ex is in a "self-doubting mood," Lucas says they could be looking at your profile with "a mixture of regret and jealousy. Apart from blocking these exes who can't help but stare at pics of our day-today, what exactly are we supposed to do? Directly addressing it is one option. Billie Dee, head of Diversity PR, confronted her ex after he blocked her across all social media platforms and then began viewing her Story from a business account. She called him out on the "sheer irony" of it. His excuse? He said his desktop kept logging him into that account. Needless to say, that particular Instagram handle hasn't appeared in the list of viewers since then. Since dating a few people who proceeded to freeze her out after one or two dates, Dee has noticed them viewing her Story too. "Not blowing my own trumpet or anything, my stories are pretty damn entertaining so who can blame them really," she says. "At the end of the day I'm highly flattered that these boys still think about me on the reg, let them look at how fabulous I am, I love it." It's hard to know whether an ex is looking at your Story by accident, or out of genuine romantic interest. If it bothers you, consider blocking. Otherwise, let 'em watch.
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